The more I teach you, the dumber I get…

Why is it that I feel like I’m talking to a brick wall. EVERY DAY….I am so tired of playing these childish ass games with a childish dude. (My Blackness wants me to say Nigga…) This dude has been out of work for almost two months now. I am EXAUSTED. Why can’t he understand that this is not helping out situation. We got a new car….got denied for a house. After jumping through the hoops to try and be approved. We were actually getting approved for a singlewide trailer, but it fell through. We had gotten approved for a home loan for 110,000. But after starting the process for the trailer, this dude wanted to keep going. I NEVER wanted a trailer. It’s what I grew up in. When I pictured a house for me and my family, I pictured a house-house. Now here I am with a dude that is worrying me about stupid shit. Like taking time off work to stay home and fuck and I’m the only one working. Riding around all weekend and shit and I gotta have gas to go back and forth to work. How is it that you have to explain basic shit to a 40yr old supposed to be man. I don’t understand his way of thinking at all. I’m so sick and tired of going through this bullshit with him. I am too grown to continue to go through this shit with 4 children. This house is a mess. It’s getting worse and worse and I’m the only one that can clean it and I just don’t want to. I’m TIRED! Fucking tired. I’m tired of being the end all, be all for everything. I feel like I’m the only bitch that’s smart up in here. How can you say the dumbest shit ever. We’re behind in all the bills. I’m trying to go permanent at my job only to not get the position and this dude sitting at home chillin, talking about he’s cleaning up. I wish ya’ll could see (I really don’t) how it looks in here. I’m embarrassed! I don’t ever invite people over. When people come over, I meet them outside in the yard and I don’t let them come in. I’m sick of it. I just don’t understand. I’m tired of questioning if I can do it alone. I know that I can. I just have to make up my mind to do it. Something has got to change. He’s not working…claiming he’s been ill and ain’t went to see not nan Doctor. I’m so angry and bitter. This is not what I signed up for at all! Why is it that I’m going through the stupidest shit ever? I

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