When you feel like you’re failing at everything in life, it’s just not a good feeling. Lost my job January 27th, was laid off. Told that the position was coming to an end on January 25th. Apparently there wasn’t enough funds in the budget to keep us on permanently (there were 4 of us) as they had stated in the interview. (I was hired through a hiring agency.) Then just overall overwhelmed with the stress of being out of work AGAIN and especially after being fired October the 5th. I feel like I can’t win. The struggles of wants and needs will make you go crazy! I feel like at the age of 40, I should have my life together. Be healthy, a lil wealthy, and be able to afford the basic necessities without being worried about what’s gonna be short or what I’m going to have to do without. But DAMN, why can’t people let me be great?
I got offered the chance to work a job making an income that I had yet to make. But the problem? Yeah it was a problem. I needed a babysitter for ONE HOUR to watch my kids. I couldn’t get anyone to help me. I’ve been outta work for 2 weeks now. I have been applying for everything that I know I qualify for. You would think my phone would be ringing off the hook with having a Master’s Degree. But naw, it doesn’t work like that. Places calling you offering you $10 and hour. I’m just like what in THE hell?! Can’t they see the experience that I have? Can’t they see the degree? I mean, what are they thinking? Is it me? I’m feeling so inadequate in more ways than one. I have been letting things get me down. Some things due to my own shortcomings and the others due to life’s hangups.
I just want to be a better mom and wife and do my part. Unfortunately, my part consist of me being a financial contributor to my household. My husband cannot do it alone. I wish he could. But sadly, his income alone cannot support us all. I just pray that I get a job that will be a permanent position and that will be flexible in regards to understanding the occasional sick child here and there along with Dr’s appts and teachers conferences. I am so ready to get out of debt, relax, save, and start to enjoy life before it just becomes repetitive and drags on with just us working to pay rent forever. I want to buy a house and be stable for once in my life. I’m getting too old for this shit.