Short Fuse

Being pregnant, I’ve seemed to notice that my fuse is even shorter. (As if that’s possible…) But I just can’t take oh but so much. Like for example, a classmate of mine that I went to High School with has sent boxes of baby girl items to us. 3 boxes this past week! I was so excited to receive them! The first box came and it was full of newborn diapers! I was in shock, I was stoked. Even though I plan on being a cloth diapering mom, when I’m out and about, I did use disposable with my son when he was a baby. The second box was packed to the max with baby girl clothes from headbands, to sleepers, and hats. OMGoodess, I was in “Awwww” and “I can’t wait” Heaven…I shared a few photos with my sister who exclaimed how much it was a blessing to receive such awesomeness from a classmate that I hadn’t seen in years. I reached out personally to tell her thank you because I wanted her to know how grateful my husband and I were for her generosity. We talked back and forth and I am just beyond overwhelmed with that in itself. So during this process, I was explaining to my husband about how cute the clothes were and how they just weren’t “off-brand” and how there were some items that had never been worn and how adorable the items are and how I couldn’t wait for him to see them. During this time, my classmate hit me up via FB messenger and exclaimed ” I have more clothes for you, we’re moving and my little girl can no longer wear these items! I’m sending them.” I replied telling her to send them on and we will make room for them. I told Mr about there being more clothes coming and all the while waiting for him to express some sort of interest in viewing the items that had been sent to us.

You see with my last pregnancy, it was just me again running around and purchasing things and scanning items at various registries for our 1st family baby shower while he on the other hand left me to peruse the electronics section. I’m feeling some kinda way again. The last box came on yesterday and I did express that I wanted to wait until he was finished playing his game (yeah, he’s one of those) that I would open the box so we could see what was in it. It was my way of approaching him subtly to let him know that I wanted him to share the moment with him so that we could get excited together about seeing our 1st little girl in these clothes and etc. I waited, and waited, and waited. After a while I started getting irritated because he ended up watching the basketball game (He’s a #Duke fan.). After the game went off, then it was the highlights. I just got hot and started snatching’ the tape off the box and was like ” You know what, I’m tired of waiting, I want to see…” He did all this huffing and puffing and I was like talking myself off a cliff. “Look, he’s not a woman, he doesn’t have those feelings and etc…” So I sat back after taking the tape off and waited for him to show some sort of initiative such as “Baby you ready to see what’s in the box? Nothing…none of that at all…by the time he got up to move back to his “designated” area, it was well after 11pm and I was beyond pissed and hurt. I just looked at him and stated…” we’ll do this tomorrow.” That sums up a lot when it comes to me and him…it normally ends with “we’ll do it tomorrow or later on.” Never on my time…always his.

So, after working a shift this morning, I got done and was somewhat excited (that initial excitement had faded) to actually see what was in the box. So after eating my breakfast of Fruit Loops, I asked him was he ready to see what was in it. He said yeah and I proceed to open up the box. As I begin to “Oohhh and awww” and holding up items for him to see, I look and he’s not even looking, he’s focused on what he’s looking at on his computer. I then call him by his name and he looks and says things like “Hmph…hmmm-hmmm” from that point on, he was silent. I looked up and he was sleeping. I just said “Nevermind…” and proceeded to have a conversation with myself and my unborn daughter about how cute she was gonna be and how I couldn’t wait to see her in this or that and etc…I was smacked in the face with reality again. Why couldn’t he have “faked” it? Here I am, I’ve waited till the next day to look at gifts to us and he didn’t even try to pretend that he was excited as I was. He doesn’t care or seem to understand how that makes me feel. Just like right at this moment, he’s doing what he does best and that’s sleeping in the recliner. The kids did come up and point to the items in the box and say excitedly that it was “for their sister.” But dad…he just dozed, things like that really affect me and make me feel like he doesn’t care. It really makes me feel alone during this time in our lives yet again. I’m so tired of being alone with my sons while he sleeps his way during my pregnancy and just doesn’t have a care in the world. It’s really irritating. Maybe I’m being selfish in wanting him to share these moments with me. However, they do only come once in a lifetime. Each child is different why not be excited about each one?

PHATGURLLOVE~

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