Paying for Your Sins

Do I really deserve everything that is being given to me? You know a lot of times we tend to wonder whether or not we deserve the best and not just settle on what’s being given to us. You guys know the group Mary Mary? We’ll they’re a sister gospel duo that sing praises to the Lord for some of us to enjoy. One of their songs is called “Go Get It…” *Listen to it HERE.* I had a hard time with this song when I 1st heard it. I was wondering why do I have to go get my blessings? God is gonna bless me right where I am.

But in my younger days I remember hearing the older folx say “If you make one step, He’ll make two.” I believe that while you’re taking all those steps that take you on a journey to go get your blessing, all the things that you receive along the way may not be things you want, but things you need. In your soul searching journey, do you forget what you we’re wanting to be blessed with, when you receive something you thought you wanted? Maybe I’m confused. I never wanted to get married, I always wanted kids. However after getting married, I credited my marriage with saving my life. (I’ll share more about that later.) But after being married for 8yrs and having some of the highest of highs and lowest of lows was I wrong in the choosing/getting of my husband? (The Blessing?) I’m alone in another room listening to him shout commands at his new, latest gadget: The XBox Kinect.

When he gets his new toys…it’s like his family doesn’t exist. I’m always with the kids anyway, there’s a new baby on the way, and I’m feeling really alone. This is all over the place, but just roll with me…lol, I chose my husband, it wasn’t the traditional, biblical kinda way and sometimes I feel that my unhappiness comes from me choosing him. I try and put on a happy face, join all these Happy Wives Groups on FB and read and look at what not to do or what to do, but nothing seems to work to take that feeling away. Am I the only one that feels like that? You’ve made your bed, so now you gotta lay in it, literally?

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